Friday, March 5, 2010

Mom spoke to me through Cabbage Patch dolls

Your Daughter is LISTENING, talk with her.

When I was a teen, I had a rough and rocky relationship with my mother. She worked hard to provide for us (I have two younger sisters and a younger brother), with her own day care and a brokers license. She made us do chores and we dutifully attended family meetings. She always made sure we had memorable Christmas's, even when that meant home-made Cabbage Patch dolls and hand-sewn Pound Puppies. She taught us how to bake and garden. I am sure that I was difficult to handle and rarely lived up to my potential. This rocky relationship continued through the birth of my oldest son when I was sixteen. She was my rock then, with me throughout labor and the birth (the babies father abandoned me). She gave me her big bed the first night I was home from the hospital and bought me Tucks pads to get over the episiotomy. She put up with my crying and my son's crying and even supported me when I wouldn't continue breastfeeding. I listened to my mom's advice and hung on every word she said to me about so many things. Sadly, she didn't talk to me ENOUGH. Consequently I sought out advice from friends and followed their advice, even though it was dangerous and wrong. I didn't learn my lesson and dated again and continued to sew wild oats through my teens and into my twenties. My mom was always there for me when I needed her, rescuing me every time. I have no doubt that she always loved me, even when she cried alone in the dark after every new disappointment.

So if I am so sure that my mom loved me through my teens and into my adulthood, why have I always questioned our relationship? The truth is, you see, what our mother-daughter relationship has always been missing is authentic communication. I have never felt like I could talk to my mom about everything and many times felt like my mother just didn't care enough to listen to me. LISTEN to me. I feel as though when I get up the courage to actually talk to my mom about something important, she closes up and shuts me out. Consequently, I have often chosen to keep many important conversations to myself and rarely share my fears, pains, or even successes with her. Our relationship is broken, has been broken for a long time. 

As I matured and grew into adulthood, now with six children of my own, communication has become an obsession of mine. I have read countless books, listened to many great communication masters share their secrets and have instilled communication skills in my children. Even my husband, who came into the marriage with broken communication skills himself thanks to his own parents, now communicates openly and honestly with me. We also all LISTEN to each other. We make communication top priority in our lives so that our relationships are clear and healthy. I am truly blessed to be able to teach my children to communicate effectively. 

My mother has been the most important person in my life, no question. My relationship with my mother, however, is a work in progress. As I work toward healing our bond and communicating authentically with her, I have found incredible strength in sharing my learned knowledge of communication skills with others. It is a great feeling when I hear tales of heartfelt, often overdue, conversations that are changing parents while they educate and connect authentically with their children. There are so many ways that we have, as humans, to communicate with each other. Communicating with our children is possibly the most important job we have as parents. We, as their primary teachers, must communicate with and educate them so that they will be successful and responsible as adults. The only way we can do this is through communication. Using words is only one way of communicating with them. Can you think of other ways we communicate with them? Next time I will share the way I wish my mother had communicated with me.  Please share the ways that you communicate with your children in the comments section.  Let's learn together :)

Sparkly Yours,  carmenAlisa, your Pink Pixie Princess

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Guest Blogger Annie Fox: We're so proud of you... now

By Annie Fox

Crazy-fearless young snow boarders defy gravity  in the half-pipe. Who knows how the hell they do it, but man, it look like a total blast. Parents in the crowd, happily freezin’ for a reason, beam up unconditional love and support to their McTwisting young ‘uns. The commentator crows “Are those proud parents or what?”

Well, yeah… your kid’s competing in the Olympics! What’s not to be proud? And by the way, looks like  he’s bringing home Vancouver gold so dust off the mantle. Talk about bragging rights, reflected glory, and a chunk of change from commercial endorsements. Not too shabby for a kid you worried wouldn’t amount to anything cause all he ever wanted was to do tricks.

It got me thinking that maybe the Flying Tomato and the other joyful but oh so focused kids on the boards weren’t always a source of parental pride. Just guessing there might have been a few heated conversations ’round the kitchen table about why the boy couldn’t think of a more ‘productive’ way to spend an afternoon.

What if the parents of  Shaun White and Louie Vito had come down heavy and managed to squelch their kids’ early passion? What if they took parental responsibility to mean “re-direct kid toward practical pursuits”? If every parent went that route I’m guessing there wouldn’t be Olympic snowboarding to thrill and inspire us landlubbers.

I’m wondering how often we parents, with all good and loving intentions, snuff out the flame of a kid’s interests because we don’t see where it could possibly lead? Just don’t see what they see.

Annie Fox, M.Ed. has been an award winning author, educator, and online adviser for parents and teens since 1997.
Read excerpts from her books: Too Stressed to Think? And the new Middle School Confidential™ series.
Download (free) her entire Teen Survival Guide to Dating & Relating,
Listen to her podcast series “Family Confidential: Secrets of Successful Parenting”   

Be the hand and voice that leads the vulnerable girl...protect her.

Sometimes it is easier to give in than to stand up and fight for what we know is right. When times are tough and the goal seems impossible to reach, it is then that we need the hand of a friend to pull us ahead and lead us with kindness in their voice. Life is tough in general and when environmental megaphones such as peer pressure, puberty, and powerful media campaigns get an anchor on our adolescent girls, they need a hand to hold and a voice to lead them out of the deep. Would you like to be that hand and voice in her life? Be there for your daughter, your granddaughter, your niece, your patient or that struggling foster child. One by one, hand in hand we can make an impact on their lives and a difference in the future or our young women. Let them know that they are not alone and teach them the road to happiness and success through self respect, communication, education and discipline. You will both have a brighter future because of this. Our adolescent girls need to be taken care of, supervised, educated, empowered and loved. Be the one to do this for her, or she will find a young man with other priorities who will be the hand and voice. Do you think his message will be similar to yours or as healthy? Because of her need for guidance and love, she may choose to give in to him and before you know it, her smile becomes a bridge of tears and her life full of chaos and fear. Talk to her, be there for her, so that she may make an educated choice that will lead her into a bright future, not one of adversity and despair. Care enough to make a difference in the life of a child. They need you. Don't abandon them. Love them. Supervise them. Educate them.

Your Pink Pixie Princess, carmenAlisa

Monday, February 1, 2010

Good Morning Everyone!

The 52nd Annual GRAMMY Awards - Show

The Grammy Show was absolutely amazing last night. I got to see all of my current favorites on one night on one stage. Lady Gaga, Pink, Lady Antebellum, The Black Eyed Peas, Taylor Swift, Drake, Lil' Wayne, and of course, Eminem. My heart is full and my creative juices flowing. I didn't agree with all of the winners, but of course I never am when it comes to the Grammys. I really enjoyed the performances and especially the mention of so many unsung old time greats.

I would like you to know that I will be announcing a contest on my blog this week. There will be awards sent by snail mail to the winners as well as lifetime memberships in my Pink Pixie Princess Pregnancy Prevention Program for adolescents and young adults. Stay tuned and think PINK!

I am looking for sponsors for the grand opening of my Pink Pixie Princess Pregnancy Prevention Program for adolescents and young adults. I am launching the program in Sacramento this month and am excited to know how many young lives I am about to touch. It is an honor and a gift to have a small part in enriching the lives and minds of our youth while encouraging Authenticity, Communication and Truth (ACT). If you are interested in sponsoring a school, a school district or even a whole city, please contact me directly ( February and March will be spent in the Sacramento area and spots are filling up fast for the rest of Northern California during April and May. I can come to your area, too! Details to follow for how to bring the Pink Pixie Princess to the youth you love, who are to become the future of America!

Have a great day!

Monday, January 11, 2010

Thanks to a fellow Blogger...

I have decided to resurrect this blog. I have been attempting to start blogging on another site but have not been "feeling" it so after getting a nudge, here I am.

I want to thank Buzzy's Mama for taking the time to comment on my abandoned blog recently. She told me that my readers miss me and I felt so humbled and moved that I have decided to give her an award. Stay tuned for the big announcement. In the mean time, check her blog out (after you comment here on mine). Life gets in the way of some things and then all at once time stops when someone is kind enough to remind you what really matters. I hope to have a new friendship with Buzzy's Mama that will last through life. Hugs to her.

Now there's this little thing called IBS, otherwise known as Irritable Bowl Syndrome. Here's a brief introduction in case you are one of the ones fortunate enough to never have suffered from this...

  • Abdominal Pain or Cramping
  • A Bloated Feeling
  • Gas (Flatulence)
  • Constipation or Diarrhea(sometimes alternating bouts of both)
  • Mucus in the Stool
So you can see, this issue can be a nuisance to anyone but especially a mother. There are times when sprinting to the restroom while crossing your legs and holding your breath praying that you won't cough or sneeze is just not an option. I am here to tell you that you can control this and it doesn't have to be embarrassing, uncomfortable, messy, painful or loud any more!
I read up on this and have also had tips from many women about what one can do to control this. In no particular order are a few things that I recommend:

  • Read up on the issue and pay close attention to solutions presented.
  • Study up on food allergy issues because I found the two closely related.
  • Eat a healthy, balanced diet. Grease, oil, spices, acids, caffeine, food dye, preservatives all MESS UP your stomach and digestive system (and therefor your bowels).
  • Raw food does wonders for this issue. Read up on it. Try to eat one raw meal a day or even eat raw once a week. Raw Food Diet
  • Cut out packaged foods, especially those high in preservatives and artificial colors.
  • Oils and fats in food are the worst thing for IBS sufferers. Stay away from fried, greasy foods. Fast food is not your friend.
  • Drinking hot tea throughout the day (especially herbal teas) hydrates you and calms the stomach.
  • Reduce stress. When you find yourself tense, take slow deep breaths. Think about something that calms you. Try not to eat before a stressful meeting or encounter.
  • Exercise. Ya I know it seems funny but exercise helps everything. Your self confidence, your energy, your emotions and your health. That in turn helps with your IBS.
  • Eat small meals throughout the day. Large meals overwhelm your already stressed digestive system. Think eight snacks a day vs. three huge meals.
  • Some foods may not agree with you. Experiment with cutting out dairy, wheat, sugars, soy or others that commonly cause allergies and upset.
  • When all else fails, keep Immodium AD handy. I really like the liquid kind. You can drink it anywhere, anytime. Careful though, too much will constipate you.
  • Eating alot of (in one sitting) popcorn, pumpkin or sunflower seeds or anything else that will clean out your intestines is a recipe for disaster. Trust me. Don't do it.
  • Fruits and veggies are your friend. Water is your friend. Trust me.
  • Last but certainly not least, talk with your doctor, your mom or your best friend. Chances are, they have this or know someone that does and you can work together or at the very least, share disgusting stories with someone who has no choice but to sit there with a straight face and take it. :)

Monday, June 29, 2009

Self Esteem Challenge

Saturday, my husband and I became godparents for the first time. It was an extreme honor and I was humbled as we stood in church and agreed to accept shared responsibility in raising our little niece to be a good person. I loved sharing this day with my husband and got a renewed spirit from it all.

As I looked over the photos, I was reminded that I am still a little self conscious of my figure. Even though I know that my body was gracious enough to allow me to bring my boys into this world, I can't seem to get into shape fast enough. Having babies sure changes ones idea of a perfect body, does't it?

I have shared with you one of my self-esteem challenges. Please comment and tell me about one of your self-esteem challenges. Let's all support one another and remind ourselves that we are beautiful people, with our challenges and flaws being the main reason that we are all so uniquely beautiful!

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Book Project Casting Call

My son and I love looking at the sunset every night from our yard. I am so lucky to live in a nice house, have a great family and have the opportunity to make a difference in the community. A few of you have heard that I have been busy brainstorming and writing a super secret book. I am writing to ask for your help. I need stories from teen moms, their grown children, their parents/guardians, their grandparents, their friends, etc. I am working on a book that will unmask the teen pregnancy myths and bring about a new understanding of why teens should wait to become parents and why adults need to do their part in helping those teens learn the skills they need to wait. Join me for a life changing event, as we return to innocence. Leave me your information here or send me an email ( I can't wait to have the honor of working with you!